Romans 10

I was found by those who did not seek me,

I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me

I wonder, do I really believe this? Yes, I know the ordo salutis, I understand and appreciate the doctrines of grace.  But I mean, deep, deep in my imagination, do I really get this, do I really conceive of God like this?

Obviously this would radically reorient my own self-understanding, my identity. I know the right answers here, but I think far too often I live as if I did ask for God, when in reality I've asked for anything but.

Beyond my own self-understanding, how would this realization deep within my imagination chnage my approach to ministry, and to the Christian life in general? How do I maintain a mental balance of a God who can often be blistering in his critique of the religiously self-assured, and yet remains profligate with respect to non-seekers?  Not only this, but how do I emulate a God like that?

My prayer is that those busily not seeking God would be found by him, and that I would have a part in that finding. My prayer is that I would be found as well, again, and again, and again.